We make no apologies for the quality of our Golf Jokes…
Drowning your sorrows
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf, enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway.
He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day; I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”
The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”
Life is like a Round of Golf
Life is like a round of golf
With many a turn and twist.
But the game is much too sweet and short
To curse the shots you’ve missed.
Sometimes you’ll hit it straight and far
Sometimes the putts roll true.
But each round has it’s errant shots
And troubles to play through.
So always swing with courage
No matter what the lie.
And never let the hazards
Destroy the joy inside.
And keep a song within your heart
Give thanks that you can play.
For the round is much too short and sweet
To let it slip away.
For just £10 you can play
At Canons Court Golf Club today
Yes – £10 for all no matter what the day
Offer exists Jan – end of March 2015
A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
Q: When is the course too wet to play golf?
A: When your golf cart capsizes
Q: What’s the problem with my golf game?
A: You’re standing too close to the ball … after you’ve hit it.
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!
Q: Are you a scratch player?
A: I sure am – every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
A fellow was getting ready to tee off by himself on the first hole when a tall, stately, grey haired gentleman approached and asked if he could join him.
The first man said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first two holes.
The tall, stately gentleman said, We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?’
The first fellow said he was a pretty good player, and that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms, thinking we’re pretty even so far, so why not?
The stately gentleman played ‘straight & true’ golf the rest of the round and won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off the 18th green, and while counting his $80, the tall, stately golfer confessed that he was the teaching pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.
The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The priest said, ‘You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.’
The pro said, ‘Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’
The priest said, ‘Well, you could come to mass on Sunday and make donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them.’